Beagle wins for first time at Westminster

New York Times

Uno (also known as Ch. K-Run’s Park Me In First) announced his intention to donate the prize to a worthy charity. His owner, hearing only "woof woof, pant pant," interpreted his speech to mean that it should all be spent on beer and Powerball tickets. (moosyfate)

McCain claims frontrunner status

Getty Images

Sen. McCain expresses his glee at the gift of 294 lbs. of vanilla/chocolate swirl pudding presented to him by supporters after his Super Tuesday victories. When asked what he would do with the pudding, McCain responded, "Don't you worry your pretty little head." (moosyfate)

I toyed with a Barney-hugging joke for a while, but nothing happened in the end. Rise to the challenge, my compatriots!

Giants upset the Patriots

New York Times

The National Football League Audi would like to remind you buy Coke that the Super Bowl is not Doritos are good just about the commercials in the Fedex shipping intervals, but that the drink Miller Lite football can be fantastic Victoria Secret lingerie, too. (moosyfate)

The Patriots were foiled when their Intelligence Department wasted weeks attempting to crack Tom Coughlin's secret codes, only to discover that all of his communications were merely a continuous string of profanity that had little to do with football. (fivecolorblind)

[Don't know the event, just a funny photo]

Getty Images

(FP Passport is having its own comment contest for this photo.)

Ahmadinejad views the Universal Studios Terminator 2 show before announcing Iran's own Terminator weapons program. (moosyfate)

Iranian officials were "disheartened" by the X-Ray Specs inability to allow the wearer to see through veils as had been promised in their advertisment. (fivecolorblind)

NYC puts heavily armed cops in the subway

Associated Press

In an embarrassing incident, the cop in the middle got his Rolex stolen on his first day of work in the subway. (moosyfate)

"This is awesome!" a young officer is quoted as saying. "THIS is why I joined the force! And my cousin Joey said the only way to get the major artillery was to join the Guard or some [thing]. He always was a [deleted]sucker." (insidian)

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Upon hearing the news, MTA officials hurriedly engaged in the precautionary measure of stripping all of the reflective paint used in the subway system. (fivecolorblind)

Three Internet Cables Cut in Three Days

Associated Press

Terrorists are suspected of depriving the Middle East of the bulk of its Internet service, meaning that insulated, sexless, rage-filled young men are destroying the lives of other insulated, sexless, rage-filled young men. (insidian)

The incomprehensibility of this page from the Patriot's playbook is more proof of Bellichick's coaching skill. (moosyfate)

Early Voting Ends in Chicago

photo: medill reports

While the early voting has ended, the heavily courted Chicago zombie and Eastside merperson voters have to wait until February 5th to lurch from their respective domains and cast their ballots. (insidian)

In order to vote, the black spy was forced to remove her mask and hat for identity purposes; the white spy snickered malevolently at the news. (moosyfate)